


I'm Not As Think As You Drunk I Am...

by NonReviewingReadersWillBeShot



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alcohol, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Flirting, Drunkenness, F/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2019-02-06 06:36:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12811770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NonReviewingReadersWillBeShot/pseuds/NonReviewingReadersWillBeShot
Summary: So Lavellen has been drinking after finding out some rather disappointing news about the man she has a huge crush on, how will this misadventure into alcoholism play out?





	I'm Not As Think As You Drunk I Am...

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, this is a sarcastic OOC one shot of my Inquisitor and Cullen, and how she reacts to finding out about his past. It's not really meant to make sense, it's meant to make you have a giggle and see how I mess with an unused element in the game.  
> Love it, hate it, do whatever you want with it!  
> Enjoy!

I had been drinking…a lot actually…I think.

It was hard to tell, but I didn’t care. I mean here I was caught up in this shit storm known as the Inquisition, and I nearly died at haven, so what else could possibly go wrong now? I don’t think you’re supposed to ask that though since something worse usually happens…oh wait never mind something worse did happen. The guy I’ve been crushing on since we had our first conversation turns out to hate me and my kind in a whole.

So there go my chances of pursuing him.

I mean I had my hopes set high, and he just shot them out of the sky like a well-aimed arrow. I sloshed my tankard around spilling my drink on the floor, counter, and also some on myself. Iron bull, who was drinking with me was perhaps growing concerned? I couldn’t even tell; it was so hard to tell.

“Hey boss, you don’t usually hang out with us folk in here, why are you drinking at this hour?” He asked,

My elongated ears drooped slightly as I swayed on my stool before righting myself, “What? I’m not—I’m not drunk…that’s just rude.” I slurred the word rude at the end of my sentence,

“That’s not what I asked.” He said flatly,

“Look, I thought we were friends, we killed a dra—dragon together, so why are you picking on me?” I whined,

“I think you’ve had enough to drink boss.” He said, as he took my tankard,

I flailed my arms towards my drink that he had taken from me and had a small tantrum, “Give it back…I was enjoying that! Why are you all so rude to me? I closed the fucking breach and I’m the herald of And—Andraste. So give it back or I’ll tell the maker to put you on his shit list.”

“Go have a rest; you’re not having anything else to drink today.” He was annoyingly persistent,

“Ugh…this is the last time we kill a dragon together. Next time I’ll leave you here to only imagine what it would be like.”

I spun around on my stool and swiftly toppled off it to the floor, my head was spinning, and everything was swaying. Where we on a ship? I thought we were in the tavern.

Crazy.

I tried to get up but my legs had somehow gotten caught in my skirt, “This fucking dress is trying to attack me! Bull, vanquish this foe immediately!” I ordered,

He gently picked me up and set me on my feet, “Are you going to be okay to walk to your room, let alone climb the stairs without falling to your death?” He asked, both sarcastically and concernedly,

“Umm, hello, have you seen this thing.” I said, annoyed that he questioned me as I showed him my mark, “I got special magic stuff that nobody understands, I can do anything.”

“Yeah…I’m sure. Just take it easy going up the stairs okay?”

“Pfft, what are you my mom?” I mocked, as I began walking, if that’s what you could call it towards my room; it was hardly my fault the world was rocking from side to side,

I ignored all the soldiers who saluted me on my way, I was sick of all this parading. I held the rail and slowly climbed the stairs to my room, tripping occasionally as I went and when I got there I sat down in front of my desk grabbing the half empty wine bottle that usually sat there. Taking a swig I continued to mull over my problem.

My mom had never prepared me for this, she always said I would meet the right guy and fall in love at first sight. I protested naturally and I always said that it would never happen and couldn’t happen because I was both an elf and a mage. It was hard enough to stay undiscovered from the local Templars…and now that I actually think about it could I have possibly fucked it up any harder than falling in love with an Ex-Templar? Makers breath…or creators…or whatever the hell, I mean I wasn’t Dalish so it didn’t matter what I believed in. I was the herald right? That had to mean I believed in the maker? Yeah of course it did, praise the maker and holy Andraste.

I took another swig from the bottle.

I wish mom could have helped me better when it came to love. Of course I could have stopped being a little shit and actually listened but that’s beside the point, I wasn’t talking about myself, I was whining about my situation. Drinking helped…or at least I think it was helping, I couldn’t tell and quite frankly didn’t care at this point. Besides I am hardly to blame for this situation anyway, when I first met that sexy shem we had spilled blood together as I closed the rift spewing out demons for him to fight. There was hardly time for me to ask if he was a Templar…or an ex of that order.

When I did find out he didn’t seem fazed by my magical abilities, but now that I know what he is capable of…ugh could it be any more…bullshit. For all I know, the reason it didn’t faze him is because he didn’t give two shits about me…maker I curse a lot more when I’m ine—inebr…drunk. I should never have asked Leliana about Cullen when she briefly mentioned that she had met him before, because then I wouldn’t be in this mess.

Was it better to know beforehand that he hated mages or better to find out once I had expressed my feelings for him? Fuck should I know, nothing made sense, I think the wine was hitting me harder than the ale, but I took another swig regardless. Maybe if I drank enough I could forget that that wonderful piece of shem even existed…who was I actually trying to kid at this point, I was pointy ears over heels for him.

I had just put my feet up on the desk and leaned back in the chair when there was a knock at the door, who the fuck was coming to my room to bother me?

“Come in.” I almost shouted,

I was leaning the chair on its back legs and took a moment to look over and see who had entered my room, I soon found it to be Cullen himself. I was shocked to see him and so I was distracted from the balancing act I had engaged in to keep my chair from falling, which in turn resulted in my instantly falling backwards painfully.

I was holding my wine bottle straight up, saving it from spilling, “Fuck…” I breathed,

“Inquisitor, are you alright?” He walked over to help me up after he had put the papers he was carrying with him down,

He was directly above me and I looked up into his upside down face, “Has anyone ever told you how sexy you look from below?” I asked,

He seemed to be taken aback in total shock, “I—I no, no one has ever said that.”

“Well the more you know, am I right?”

He looked at me strangely, “Inquisitor, are you…drunk?”

I glanced over at the wine bottle I was still holding, “What, no…”

He seemed to sniff the air and I remembered the ale I had spilt on myself, “I asked Cassandra where you were and she said that she saw you leaving the tavern in a drunken state heading to your room, I assumed she was mistaken…” He said sternly,

“Whoa, whoa, don’t judge me.” I began, as I clumsily climbed to my feet, still holding the wine bottle, “This is your fault.”

“Pardon?” He was puzzled,

“You heard…me.” I staggered a step or two closer to him, “If I hadn’t fallen for all of…this.” I said, wiggling my pointer finger in circles in front of him, “I wouldn’t be drunk right now…so there, take responsibility for your actions.”

His face seemed to redden and he rubbed the back of his neck unsure of what to say, “Don’t play cute, shy soldier boy on me now, especially since I know you don’t give two shits about me.”

“It’s—it’s not that I don’t care about you…but you’re the Inquisitor.” He defended,

“And a mage.” I added,

“I am aware of your magical talents, yes.”

I swayed on my feet, “And ordi—ordinari—and that shouldn’t be a problem…but you hate mages.”

“I have never said that.” He defended,

“No because you couldn’t say that straight to my face. Leliana mentioned that she had met you before, and naturally I was curious.” I said, as I pointed towards him accusingly, “So I asked her what she knew about you, and she told me a lovely story of how you wanted the Hero of Ferelden to kill every mage she saw in the circle tower when she was there. Do you know how much that hurts? Cause let me tell ya, it didn’t get better. She mentioned you were the same person in Kirkwall serving under Meredith, I mean you told me the Knight Commander went mad, but you never told me you abused mages along with her.”

“Makers breath…Leliana should never have told you what happened during the darkest time in my life.” Cullen said regretfully,

“Well too little too late hot stuff, cause now I know…and it sucks because I was head over tits…no that’s not it…head over heels in love with you.” I squinted to see him better as there were now three of him, the wine was definitely taking its toll, “However, can I have your friends? The other two of you will do fine.” I snickered,

“Perhaps you should lie down.” He reasoned,

“That depends…are you having naughty thoughts about lying down with me?” I asked, pushing a finger against his chest piece,

“Of course not.” He said firmly,

“Why though? Ugh, you think too much, stop thinking just once and have some fun, cause I probably won’t remember any of this later, so what’s the harm.” I thought about what I said for a moment as the world around me was getting darker, “That actually sounded kinda creepy…and is the sun going down cause it’s darker in here than I remember?”

Cullen seemed concerned, “Are you feeling alright?”

“No! Haven’t you been listening? I’m drinking—I’m drinking to forget…you…” The alcohol had taken its toll on my lithe frame and I had passed out,

Cullen scooped me up in his arms before I hit the floor, saving the wine from spilling as well so that it would not stain the carpet in my room, “Maker please don’t let her remember anything that happened today.”

He laid my lifeless form on my bed, and fixed up my disheveled room before grabbing the papers he brought with him and leaving.

**Author's Note:**

> Well there you have it, the drunk and in love, city elf Inquisitor has informed Cullen of how unhappy she is with his past. Make up you're own cutesy continuation of how their 'actual' love confessions go with my story in mind, or don't it's up to you, but I wanted to play with it and I enjoyed myself.  
> Plus I also needed to make something pleasant after all the angst I've been writing. Give myself a chance to see if I can even still write some good sarcasm or fluff, I don't really know what this is xD


End file.
